Smoking in the rain
(Attributed to Anon)
There's an old folks home at the end of our street. Since the new legislation came in the other day, the smokers now have to go outside for a smoke. Two old ladies were outside the nursing home the other day having a cigarette, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any chemist.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely, as she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.