She: Hi, you are the man in the yellow hat. Esteban?He: Yes, so you are Sandra? (They shake hands a little awkwardly.)
She: Sure am. Glad to meet you. [ I'm not a gold digger, but I hope this guy is not stone broke, like the last two.]
He: Let's sit down in the corner. [ She is less attractive than the photo on RSVP, and broader too. That's always the way. But she's wearing a skirt - a point in her favour. Long hair - a second plus point. So let's not make hasty judgements.]
She: Sure. [ At least he managed to match his socks and has new shoes. Hope he has both kidneys as well. I don't want to be nurse.]
He: Where do we start? [ This is awkward!]
She: I don't know about you, but I loathe small talk. [ Let's see how he handles that.]
He: Me too. Let's talk big right away. [ Good beginning! She's gutsy. But I feel like she could judge me harshly.]
She: You're on. [ Let's see what he's made of. Actually, I'm nothing as confident as I sound. First dates are scary. I fight the fear with bravado.]
He: What about your politics and religion, if any? [ What I really, really want to ask her is does she give blowjobs. But how on earth can I ask that?]
She: Agnostic leftie. [ Wonder what he makes of that.]
He: Wow! Me too, more or less. [ That is good. I hate religious nuts. Not to mention Trump-loving crazies.]
She: Can you cook? [ I'd love to be cooked for. Can't hurt to ask, can it? If he cooks he might also pull his weight domestically, or is that impossible?]
He: [ I hope this doesn't eliminate me.] I can do a few simple dishes. I'm probably more gifted at washing up. Um, do you like to walk or trek, maybe? [ Her boobs are smallish and if it's a padded bra, all the worse. Ah well, I guess the ones with real knockers get snapped up.]
She: Depends. I'm not going to carry a heavy pack for 3 days. [ Don't like where this is going one bit.]
He: No, that's a bit much, but I hope you like day walks.
She: Sure, why not? [ Let's change the subject, fitness is not my thing. There's no chemistry, but let's persevere.]
He: [ Looks like she doesn't like to walk.] What sort of music do you like most? [ Please, please let her like classical!]
She: Oh, I like all sorts, except heavy metal and rap. And you? [ That should make it easy to be compatible.]
He: [ They all answer like this, damn it!] I'm hooked on classical, but I like other genres as well, like flamenco and ud. [ Do I sound rarefied?]
She: That's forgivable. [ Gosh, I sound so confident! Actually, I'm afraid he'll think me superficial. I can handle occasional Beethoven.]
He: Thanks for the absolution. [ Thank god she doesn't say 'like' every 12 seconds. That would drive me bananas. I don't mind a few wrinkles. She has character in her face.]
She: So, have you been on many dates? [ I'd hate him to be a dating pro.]
He: Very few. [ I'm lying, but each one feels like the first time.] And you? [ She seems to have done this many times.]
She: Just a few in the last two years. [ I'm lying. Let him think I'm virginal. Twice weekly for the last six months might put him off. It would put me off!]
He: So I guess we have that in common. All I can say is I am still awkward and don't know what to say or not say. [ This much is very true.]
She: You're doing OK. [ Nice he shows some vulnerability. He's not overly macho.]
He: Medium-big question: what do you do for work?
She: I'm a photographer. [ Will he find that threatening?]
He: That's interesting. [ I like that!]
She: You? [ Is he even employed??]
He: Oh, just a chartered accountant. [ Not proud of my profession... Would she wear minis for me? Stockings?! Why am I so damn basic?]
She: [ Might not be broke then, but could be a skin-flint. Nice if he drove a Merc.] That beats street-cleaner. Do you like to watch sport? [ A TV sport addict would be out!]
He: No. [ Only sex as a sport, but I can't tell her that.] Do you practise any sport?
She: Only the gym now and then. [ Actually, almost never.] I like watching cricket, though. [ That should garner a point.]
He: I don't like the gym. I mainly walk for exercise. I'll have to pass on the cricket. [ At least she is not a gym addict.]
She: What about travel? [ A girl can fantasise.]
He: I like travelling, though I have not travelled much in the last few years. [ I don't sound impressive. No wonder I don't get second dates.]
She: Me neither, but I want to get back into it. [ Actually, I've only been once 20 years ago, but I don't want to sound boring.]
He: Sounds good. [ I can imagine travelling to Greece with her. The islands? Maybe a cruise out of Corfu. I think there is a special deal that's on now.]
She: [ Very unlikely we'll go anywhere. He's probably tight with money.] What food do you like?
He: I'm like you with music, very wide tastes, so long as it's not burnt, toxic or frozen. [ That's my revenge for her thoughtless answer on music.]
She: [ That's a useless answer. He might not want to do any wining and dining. Is he a tight-wad, like my ex?] Trivia question - what films do you enjoy? [ That's an innocent way to get to know someone.]
He: Oh, anything with a lot of sex in it. [ My god, what made me say that??]
She: I'm broad-minded. [ Didn't like him saying that, but it's forgivable, only just. I hope he's not a flasher.]
He: [ How do I back-track?] I had a hunch you were not a prude. [ Anyway, she took that in her stride. I like her style.]
She: [ Better change the subject.] What are you reading?
He: I'm between books, but I only read non-fiction. [ Does that make me dull? Probably.]
She: I like novels, especially by Danielle Gibbins.
He: Sorry, never heard of her. I'm not knowledgeable on fiction. You can drive a bus through my gaps. [ Don't like to admit my ignorance, but lying would not work.]
She: You seem to have a turn for metaphors. Do you write? [ Maybe he has hidden depths?]
He: Only a diary. [ That's not impressive, man!]
She: I'm too lazy to do it. [ Not good at it either.] Say, do you watch reality TV? [ Watch this space!]
He: Yes, it amuses me. [ Why does she ask this?]
She: That's a deal-breaker. Sorry, I'm off. [ A girl has to have a standard!]
He: What? [ It must be something else I said, probably regarding sex. Oh well, strike this one off; there's more fish in the sea. Live and learn.]
She: Bye. (She leaves without paying.)