Still the Dinosaur
My Spanish teacher asked me to write a story (in Spanish) that begins with the sentence, "When he woke, the dinosaur was still there." It stimulated me to write a series of such stories, to see in how many different ways I could interpret the seed. In fact, the quoted sentence is the entirety of the most famous story by the Honduran writer, Augusto Monterosso. That story is credited as being one of the shortest ever written. According to The Independent, this enigmatic work has given rise to numerous doctoral theses. NB The Spanish story is ambiguous, as "Cuando se despertó" could be read as "When she woke."
I ended up writing 36 stories. The best eleven, in order are:
Version #14
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. This was in November 1938, Munich, on a wet Friday evening, and fun was hard to come by. He had fallen asleep at the cabaret during a particularly boring dinosaur act. His slumber was broken because she was now screeching like a soprano deep-throating. Unable to bear it any more, and bewailing the waste of 1,000,000 deutsche marks, he staggered out into the frigid air, tripping and almost falling into a deep puddle in front of the gaudy entrance. In the tram he noticed that nearly all those in uniforms were dinosaurs, a recent change. The driver, conductor and doorman were dinosaurs of one type or another. Being uninterested, he was not familiar with the scientific names. As he alighted from the carriage, a large squadron of pterosaurs passed high above him, in strict formation. Just before collapsing fully clothed on the bed, he glanced in the mirror and noticed that scales were beginning to form around his eyes.
Version #16
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. It was a time in the near future, the fateful year 2026. It had been the longest night. The cardinals were arguing disagreeably until 5 am, when even the youngest, being just 80, fell asleep. The smoke remained black until three, when the stegosaur's election surprised everyone. No-one had voted for him, but he was the most frequent second preference, as nobody had thought he stood a chance.
How could a reptile become Pope? It was almost as bad as Trump becoming president.
Unlike his predecessors, Pope Saurus I was not learned. Having missed out on some 200 hundred million years of evolution, he was not an expert on canon law, could not argue subtle points of dogma, nor address the philosophical issues confronting the Church. Saurus I was simple-minded, taking a literal interpretation of the injunctions to be truthful, not to harm others, and to eschew wealth. He called in a team of honest accountants from Switzerland to audit Vatican finances. Naturally, they uncovered graft on a massive scale. He defrocked priests guilty of molesting minors, as well as the bishops who had covered up for them.
In consequence, Saurus I was extremely unpopular with the Vatican hierarchy. He was accused of being cold-blooded and inhuman, which was true. They called Saurus "666" behind his back. Before long, there was the first attempt on his life. The poisoned mushrooms did not effect his digestion. All the poisons traditionally used at the Vatican proved ineffective. Another problem was his natural armour-cladding. Worse yet, from the point of view of the would-be popicides, was the infallibility bestowed by his appointment.
Since he was so difficult to eliminate, the Vatican hierarchy began a campaign of civil disobedience, which escalated into full-blown conflict.
So it came to pass that the papal conclave of 2026 created the Beast and triggered the final Armageddon. We only have six years till the end of time.
Version #13
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. He had waited the whole night on the staircase. When the office opened at eleven (this was in Spain), he was the first to enter. By then the queue extended all the way around the block, like a snake swallowing its own tail. "Do you want to be the first?" "Yes, sir! My partner planned to be with me, but he was doing his nails almost the whole night, and fell asleep."
The new law transformed society, so that just a few years later, dinosaurs were no longer born. That's my theory, anyway.
Author's note: This story is not entirely fictitious. When my mother heard about the proposal to legalise gay marriage she said that it would cause the end of the human race.
Version #12
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. "Dammit, Janet!" quoth the time-traveller to his girlfriend. "That plesiosaur won't leave her eggs for even five minutes." "Maybe we should fast-forward a day or so?" "No, I think we just have to be patient. This unborn babe is worth a million dollars. All the best zoos and universities will outbid each other for our prize specimen, a living and breathing dinosaur."
"I've got an idea. Let's collect firewood and build a fire near the dinosaur to frighten it off." They went in search of wood, but there was none in the vicinity. Soon they were lost in the thicket. Worse than that, the time machine was programmed to return automatically to the present time after a week. "We are done for, Janet. We'll not get out of here alive."
And that folks, is how began the homo sapiens line.
Version #31
When she woke, the dinosaur was still there. A red-headed nun, called Habladora Esplendida, was the dinosaur's carer. The reptile did not want to eat because he was the last of his kind and so felt an acute loneliness. Both resided in a convent where the rule was that everyone had to speak for at least twenty hours per day. The din at the convent was similar to that at a typical Sydney restaurant, that is to say unbearable. The nuns were gradually becoming deaf, which further increased the volume.
Opposite the convent stood an army barracks, where the rules were equally strict. Even the high officers were not permitted to speak. All orders were given on small slips. A profound silence reigned, as all walked in socks, without shoes.
One day, the abbess asked Habladora Esplendida to find a monkey as a companion for the unhappy dinosaur. Esplendida fronted up at the barracks and asked the soldier, "I would like to borrow an adorable monkey." He was surprised to see a woman and was unaccustomed to hearing words, let alone from such a splendid nun. Thus the only word he caught was "adorable".
They married.
Version #32
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. He had fallen asleep in the dank and malodorous cavern, whose ceiling was covered with stalactite-like bats. The skeleton was almost complete and easy to expose by chipping away the congealed mud. Soron was sure that this was the legendary animal that was the most fearsome apex predator ever to stalk the planet. It had become extinct some 90 million years ago, when a major cataclysm engulfed the world, extinguishing most life-forms.
As he examined the fossil he struggled to imagine how this creature, with its small canines and puny claws, once dominated all seven continents, before unleashing the climate catastrophe that caused us dinosaurs to re-emerge.
Version #10
When I woke the dinosaur was still there. My brother trembles from the cold and is visibly dying. It constricts my heart to see him suffer so. The asteroid impact was a disaster that our people would not be able to survive. My brother and I are almost the only survivors in the whole world. I am devastated, not only that our people will all die, but that our ancient and rich culture will disappear without trace. I too feel the severe cold, not having seen the sun for over a year. The planet is dying with us. All that will remain will be our bones, and even these will become fossils. Who will discover them?
Version #18
When she woke, the dinosaur was still there.
Even in primary school, Sora had a reputation for eccentricity. While the other youngsters were playing noisily, she would sit alone, contemplating clouds. In high school, Sora was seen as withdrawn and snobbish, which was unfair. She dropped out of university to travel to India.
Sora hitch-hiked up the Ganges, meeting like-minded souls. In the foothills of the Himalayas, there are sacred caverns. Here she sought out the holy hermits. Sri Vashnaprayama was famous for his wisdom. Sora trekked for a week to reach his cave. She waited five hours outside his cave, as he emerged but once daily. When he appeared, he asked what he could do for her.
"I want to know the meaning of my life. There has to be more to it than eating, working and procreating."
"Yes, there is."
"What then should a dinosaur like me do?"
"My advice is simple. Go to seek my guru, Sri Mahasaurus. He lives just a few days away, deeper in the Himalayas."
Sora repacked her rucksack and resumed her journey.
Sri Mahasaurus proved a disappointment, as he merely referred her to his own guru, Sri Maha-Mahasaurus, who lived further up into the ice. Trembling from the cold, Sora approached the cave of the most venerable sage. It was night-time and he was sleeping in the cave entrance.
When she woke, the dinosaur was still there.
"What is the meaning of life?" she asked the severely weathered dryosaurus.
"For me, it is to sit here and wait."
"Why?"
"Because people like you come with questions. They give me the comforting knowledge that they know nothing, like me."
Version #28
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. At the end of a demanding day he had fallen asleep after signing in the last pair, ie zebras, for the craft. "You can't come," he told the reptile, "You were not created by God but by the Devil". Unable to answer, the pair of theropods flapped their sodden wings in unison to emphasise their desire to embark, but to no avail.
The craft set sail in heavy rain and near darkness, allowing the dark theropods to alight on the roof unnoticed, and this is the true reason why only the winged dinosaurs survived till modern times.
Version #9
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. The sauropod was vivid, with every scale a different colour, and these changed constantly as it exhaled purple fire. The air was saturated with rainbows that vibrated in rhythm with the pulsating music. Pablito's body shook violently; his heart was a pneumatic drill. He felt totally dazed but at the same time more sensitive than ever before. A wave of pleasure rose up through his entire body, like a river in flood.
Behind the sauropod he noticed the golden light emanating from God himself. "I would like to know the purpose of my life" he asked the light. "Omm" was the reply. "But I don't know what omm means. Please explain." "Omm means..."
Darkness fell, as if the machine supporting the universe had lost power. His elevated state collapsed into depression, accompanied by headache. LSD does not last.
Version #27
When she woke, the dinosaur was still there. This is the problem with internet dates, she said to herself. She had hoped that he'd be more appealing after her hangover receded, but now he was even more reptilian. Daylight emphasised his scales in an unflattering manner and how could she have missed the claws? His snores were louder than those of any human and he broke wind with alarming explosions that reeked of the Jurassic. Freed from the haze of alcohol she felt a familiar desperation. Weren't there any evolved males for a woman like her, or would she have to settle for a lower life-form? She resolved to never again swipe on Tinder while blind drunk.
If you have read this far then you might want to have a look at the complete collection - there are twenty-five more.
Tad Boniecki
Updated January 2024