My Spanish teacher asked me to write a story (in Spanish) that begins with the sentence, "When he woke, the dinosaur was still there." It stimulated me to write a series of such stories, to see in how many different ways I could interpret the seed. In fact, the quoted sentence is the entirety of the most famous story by the Honduran writer, Augusto Monterosso. That story is credited as being one of the shortest ever written. According to The Independent, this enigmatic work has given rise to numerous doctoral theses. NB The Spanish story is ambiguous, as "Cuando se despertó" could be read as "When she woke."
I ended up writing 42 stories. The best thirteen are:
Version #16
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. It was a time in the near future, the fateful year 2026. It had been the longest night. The cardinals were arguing disagreeably until 5 am, when even the youngest, being just 80, fell asleep. The smoke remained black until three, when the stegosaur's election surprised everyone. No-one had voted for him, but he was the most frequent second preference, as nobody had thought he stood a chance.
How could a reptile become Pope? It was almost as bad as Trump becoming president.
Unlike his predecessors, Pope Saurus I was not learned. Having missed out on some 200 hundred million years of evolution, he was not an expert on canon law, could not argue subtle points of dogma, nor address the philosophical issues confronting the Church. Saurus I was simple-minded, taking a literal interpretation of the injunctions to be truthful, not to harm others, and to eschew wealth. He called in a team of honest accountants from Switzerland to audit Vatican finances. Naturally, they uncovered graft on a massive scale. He defrocked priests guilty of molesting minors, as well as the bishops who had covered up for them.
In consequence, Saurus I was extremely unpopular with the Vatican hierarchy. He was accused of being cold-blooded and inhuman, which was true. They called Saurus "666" behind his back. Before long, there was the first attempt on his life. The poisoned mushrooms did not effect his digestion. All the poisons traditionally used at the Vatican proved ineffective. Another problem was his natural armour-cladding. Worse yet, from the point of view of the would-be popicides, was the infallibility bestowed by his appointment.
Since he was so difficult to eliminate, the Vatican hierarchy began a campaign of civil disobedience, which escalated into full-blown conflict.
So it came to pass that the papal conclave of 2026 created the Beast and triggered the final Armageddon. We only have six years till the end of time.
Version #38
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. Although it was only a middling quadruped, Aldin was disturbed by its presence. Breaking the tension, his bald overseer entered the hall. It was time for his 100 litre enema, followed by a compulsory eight-hour lecture. Electric shocks encouraged him to stay alert and focus on the speaker. Then he was obliged to climb 2000 metres carrying bricks. Purgatory was no fun. Worse yet, his term was unlimited. How to get out?
The only way known to humankind was to memorise the Covenant, and this in Aramaic. The text was almost impossible to obtain, and its language, Aramaic, difficult to pronounce and remember. Aldin's hope was focused on his younger sibling, Balwyn, who was autistic and could remember reams of meaningless symbols. Since the three brothers were all professionals at breaking and entering, they could use their specialist skills in the quest for the Covenant. The dinosaur, being prehistoric, might give them a clue as to the whereabouts of the Ark. Accordingly, they kept careful watch on the reptile.
Unlike Heaven and Hell, Purgatory was not God's creation. Since it was an after-thought, the Deity gave the commission to an apprentice angel, who made a dog's breakfast of it. Some weeks skipped a Wednesday or Friday, there were worm-holes that linked distant parts, gravity often ran out, and the rabbits chased the tigers. However, it did its job of purifying polluted souls.
As the beast entered an underground labyrinth lit by fireflies, the three brothers followed at a safe distance. Presently, there was a glint of gold. The Ark? Predictably, a Tyrannosaurus Rex was guarding the chest. Of course, he ate the brothers, but it did not matter, since they were already dead. They exited Purgatory and were greeted at the pearly gates.
Version #39
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. She had been a good dinosaur, never hurting another creature except in self-defence or hunting for food. In fact, nearly all wild animals ended up here. Here being Heaven. Lorin too had led a moral life, though this was trickier for human animals than for the others. The superfluous complexity of the human brain caused myriad errors.
Now he could enjoy delicious food, warmth, comfort, sublime music, wonderful sex, and unspoiled nature. There was unlimited leisure time free of all tasks and worries. Of course, there was a catch. Disruptive behaviour was not tolerated in Heaven. The first infringement received a warning, the second a red card, and the third meant banishment to Limbo. Limbo was a murky, grey-green void, neither pleasant nor unpleasant, a state of suspended animation, much like the Buddhist nirvana, but without enlightenment.
Apart from the three strikes rule, Heaven held another down-side. Boredom. Boredom had been the greatest driver of human progress throughout earthly history. The problem in Heaven was not boredom itself, but the lack of creative avenues for channeling it productively. Of course, there were crafts and arts, but somehow these seemed no better than occupational therapy. There was nothing to strive for, no scope for achievement, no obstacles to overcome, no mysteries to ponder. The place was perfect and catered to every human need. The only exception was the need for mischief.
Lorin pondered how to bend the rules without breaking them. His rumination chanced upon an evil of human life that was not against the rules up here: gambling. The problem was that there was no money in Heaven and everyone had unlimited goods, so how could people gamble? Then a solution came: virtual currency. Each person who wanted to participate would be granted a million virtual dollars, noted on a sheet of paper. Then, as they lost or won the toss, this amount would be adjusted accordingly.
Even Lorin was surprised when the gambling bug swept through the denizens of Heaven like an epidemic of diarrhea, and with similarly debilitating results. No-one seemed immune, not even the saints and Apostles. Before long, some people were billionaires, whereas others were in debt. Guarding the reams of paper against unauthorised modification was a problem. Although the virtual dollars were without any use or value, people nevertheless prized them, as they were the only resource in all of Heaven that was limited.
The entire venture went up in smoke when an unidentified arsonist torched the building housing the records. Heaven reverted to a state of happy vegetables.Version #40
When I woke, the dinosaur was still there. The pterosaur had kept watch until dawn to ensure no-one would spy me hiding in the dense forest. Yesterday, we had slipped out of the camp unnoticed, with me shielded from sight by his wings, which spanned ten metres.
Nothing in holy scripture describes Hell in any detail, just a mention of fires and tortures. It does not say that the guards are carnivorous dinosaurs wearing Nazi uniforms. Whips, chains, fires, torture devices, all the usual accoutrements. Yet Hell also has a miraculous side. If an arm is cut off, or more often, bitten off, it would regrow within a few days. Even a head chomped by a Rex, would regenerate. So does skin stripped off by the ubiquitous conflagrations. The guards are gruff, brutal and casually violent. They embody the shadow side of monotheistic religion.
Yet one of the guards was different from the rest. He had a sad mien, so I began chatting to him. He appreciated the interest I showed in his troubles, his hatred of the job, his total lack of friends. Unexpectedly, we became friends. Some weeks later, we hatched a plan.
As the sun rose, we left the protective forest. Now we were confronted by the great barrier. A stone wall 5 km high, which separates Hell from the next territory. With no hesitation, my companion flexed his mighty wings and we were off. I held on tightly as he climbed steeply. Presently, we could see over the wall. He glided down and we landed softly on a bright green field. Wild tomatoes were growing all around in Purgatory. I paused to eat a tasty handful. There was not a whiff of the acrid fumes which constantly choked my lungs in Hell. Instead, there was the relative perfume of fresh manure.
Speaking of which, Purgatory is run by horses. They make people pull plows, grind corn, jump over barriers and race around meaninglessly pulling chariots. It is harder work than in Hell, but conditions are better. The horses, being herbivores, are not sadistic. It's just karma working itself out.
Why did I end up in Hell? you ask. There was the matter of an aggravated assault, which unfortunately resulted in death. Naturally, I bought indulgences that freed me of the sin. Or so I thought. How was I, an illiterate peasant, to know they were counterfeit ones?
A note on this story.
Version #14
When he woke, the dinosaur was still there. This was in November 1938, Munich, on a wet Friday evening, and fun was hard to come by. He had fallen asleep at the cabaret during a particularly boring dinosaur act. His slumber was broken because she was now screeching like a soprano deep-throating. Unable to bear it any more, and bewailing the waste of 1,000,000 deutsche marks, he staggered out into the frigid air, tripping and almost falling into a deep puddle in front of the gaudy entrance. In the tram he noticed that nearly all those in uniforms were dinosaurs, a recent change. The driver, conductor and doorman were dinosaurs of one type or another. Being uninterested, he was not familiar with the scientific names. As he alighted from the carriage, a large squadron of pterosaurs passed high above him, in strict formation. Just before collapsing fully clothed on the bed, he glanced in the mirror and noticed that scales were beginning to form around his eyes.
Version #31
Version #27